The recolonization model is a recently proposed diluvial solution to many enigmas of the rock record. Working within the framework of the global stratigraphic succession developed by uniformitarian geologists over the past two centuries, it seeks to reconcile it with Biblical history by moving the Flood event to the very base of the stratigraphic record. Thus the Flood is represented by that section that extends from the oldest crustal rocks (Hadean) up into the Carboniferous. The post-Carboniferous record reflects a sequential terrestrial recolonization by Flood survivors, preserved as a series of historical snapshots by post-Flood catastrophes. Although appealing in its attempt to merge the geologic column with Genesis, the model’s positive arguments are unconvincing. An evaluation of Biblical, axiomatic, logical, and geological issues reveals significant weaknesses. Two of its greatest flaws lie in its two key assumptions: 1) the veracity of the geologic timescale’s relative chronology, and 2) the validity of uniformitarian depositional models.